Stephen Bruyant-Langer, author of ‘The Existential Playbook – How to Survive, Live and Thrive’ says having a plan is the key.
Food, water, shelter. You’re surviving. A villa in the sun, a convertible, flying business is slumming. You’re successful.
What if you live in that villa alone, have no one special to share that top-down experience with, and only ever fly for business? It’s living. But is it thriving?
The American academic Clayton Christensen once described attending a five-year reunion with his MBA classmates where many had achieved conventional success. Careers seemed on track, and they had attractive spouses, with children on the way. But fast-forward 20 years and most of them were miserable. To the outside world they were successful, but many were divorced and lonely, with other people raising their children.
How did so many promising, intelligent, high achievers end up in such a lonely and miserable place? Christensen argued that they focused too much on short-term, extrinsic goals as opposed to long-term, intrinsic ones. They never stopped to ask themselves what they wanted from life or where their life was heading.
Keeping score
It’s not surprising, considering how from our early education onwards we’re encouraged to keep score. We progress from school grades and degree classifications to salaries and promotions. Even then the scoring doesn’t end – comparing cars, clothes, houses with our neighbours, friends and family.
Outwardly, we may seem successful, but many of us are stuck. We’re working hard, but it feels like we’re watching life unfold from the sidelines. When we feel stuck, our instinct is often to zero in on the problematic area and change something. However, life doesn’t exist in neat compartments. Work affects home life; relationships influence careers. To truly flourish, we need to adopt a holistic view.
Ask yourself what you want from life; what brings you meaning? You can’t Google this – it’s different for each of us. So, we need bespoke business plans for our lives.
But here are two “existential hacks” I highly recommend:
- Expose yourself to awe – seek out experiences that inspire wonder and perspective.
- Practise courage – step out of your comfort zone regularly.
It’s amazing how much difference these hacks will make to your life and your ability to find meaning and the path that is right for you.
Define success on your own terms
Imagine yourself at the end of your life. What would make you proud? What would have made life worth living? If achieving this means creating long-term, sustainable change in your life, you need to make no compromises, impose no restrictions, and make no excuses.
“Outwardly, we may seem successful, but many of us are stuck.”
Existential philosophy and psychology tell us that we need three things to become unstuck: choice, action and responsibility. Have the courage to choose the life you want where you don’t entertain “either/or”.; instead, choose “both/and”. Take action to bring our goals into reality. But accept responsibility for those actions – never blame shift. Responsibility enhances your ability to make good future choices. Remember, mistakes don’t define your life, but your reaction to them can.
To truly thrive, invest in strong relationships, stay curious and open to new experiences.
Follow Stephen @stephen_bruyantlanger
Find out more at www.theexistentialplaybook.com
